Vidya Josephs Blog

Poems in absence

Posted on: ಜುಲೈ 31, 2009

Obituary to my Sunshine…
(With apologies to Pablo Neruda)

Pablo gave me the lines, but my sunshine gave me the pain.
Taught me how to dip my words in profound agony
And write an obituary for him.
Him – whom I loved more than the sun.

The day he died was beautiful, filled with life.
The sun shone brightly, warming me,
Never hinting at the sudden death
Which would snatch away my own ray of sunshine.

I knew I had to say a brief goodbye
We would meet again, it wasn’t death.
Like Pablo, I would write and sing
Tender love songs for him.
My love would reach out and touch him
Unseen yes, unfelt, never.

I did not heed the nameless evil
That stalked me.
Nor the core of darkness
In my sunshine’s soul.
He left me, abandoning me cruelly,
Leaving me naked and exposed
To the eyes of my ruthless foe.
He died that day. Yes, he died.

And now like Pablo I tell myself –
This is the last hurt he’ll make me feel,
These the last lines I’ll ever write for him.
He’s dead and my sunshine is no more.


Forgetting You
I remember you,
Remember the way your eyes shone,
And lit up your face,
The way your laughter drowned all sadness..
A ray of sunshine,
Ephemeral, fleeting.

The nights are darker now,
More enveloping,
Frightening after your brightness.
You’ve gone away,
Forgotten me in the noisy shandy
Of your life.

I will too, in time
In just a little more time.

I’ll forget those crazy moments
When time stopped
As we found one another
In each other’s eyes
Forget those nights
Of intense passion
When we were welded together
While being separated by miles.

Forget how the hated tea
Became a bewitching brew
Sealing our friendship.
Forget the wealth of mischief
In your eyes,
Forget that wonderful laughter,
Which I loved
And all those special moments
Which made you uniquely mine
And me uniquely yours.

Yes, darling heart, I’ll forget.
I’ll not mourn, I’ll not cry.
I will go on
But with a heart which has grown dark
And a life which has turned bleak
And with a sunshine shaped hole
In my small universe
Which you had filled.



I never knew, my love
What pain was
Till you taught me.

Never knew how love could kill
Destroy and pillage
Create a desolate, anguished war field
Where once a heart throbbed
Till you showed me.

Never did I know
What missing was
Till you vanished so totally
Leaving me bewildered and blind
In a world which ceased to exist.

I did not know, my darling
How I clung to your sunshine warmth
Till the winter chill
descended into my bones
Snatching the little life
Left in me.

I’d forgotten to love,
Forgotten to feel
Forgotten to live
Till you woke me up
With your sparkling eyes.

This is just a continuation
Of the lesson you started long ago.
Once you taught me to live
Now you’ve taught me
The art of dying
With a smile on my lips
And a hole in my heart.



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